How to Give a Dog a Haircut

Coda gets very hot in the summer so Bob decided we should completely shave him down for a few months.

Step 1. Coax Coda into the garage. He’ll know something is up and he’ll reluctantly obey, with his stubby tail between his legs.

Step 2. With 2 people, corral him between your legs and start cutting away the massive chunks of fur with scissors. If you’re Bob, you’ll keep inhaling the fur and spitting it out.

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Step 3. Give him a bath in the front yard. He’ll hate this and start plotting how to murder you in your sleep.

Step 4. Admire your handy work so far.

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Step 5. Try to use electric clippers and botch chunks of fur.

Step 6. Go to PetCo and have them finish the hair cut. Learn that Coda has very thick fur and has dulled 3 blades on the groomer’s clippers.

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I can’t believe how small he looks without tons of fur!

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The hair cut really brings out his face. As in, he has a really fat face compared to the rest of his body. He also looks several years younger. Why can’t I get a haircut that cuts my age in half?