Coda, Wellesley, and Paco

Here is a glimpse of what happened when Bob and I had dinner at home last Wednesday night.

Me: I donated blood today and there was an 80 year old lady volunteering at the snack station there and she was so cute. I talked to her about gardening for 15 minutes.

Bob: Oye. I married an old lady! ( * it doesn’t help that I have the oldies doo-wop station progammed as one of the stations on my car radio * )

Me: Be grateful that I respect the elderly.

…10 minutes later I was back to “young” Jen…

Me: I really dig this band called The Lumineers and they are from Denver! Have you heard them on KBCO?

Bob: * blank stare. Picks up his glass of milk and pours it all over his lap on purpose then cracks up laughing *

Me: What was that for?! Do you have any idea how bad that milk is going to smell in the carpet in a few days? Why did you do that?

Bob: I don’t know but it was funny!

Me: You’re cleaning the carpets. I’m pretty sure a paper towel will not hide the milk smell in a few days.

Then he was all embarrassed as I took photos because he looked like he peed his pants. Were my dinner conversations so boring that Bob had to diffuse them by purposely spilling milk on himself?

For the record, here are The Lumineers.

Dear Fashion Designers,

I have two bones to pick with you.

Bone #1. White capris. I desperately want to pair white capris with a navy top because I totally dig the nautical look. I do not want white denim capris. Surely there is a lighter cottony fabric that is not see-through. Please find said fabric and/ or double up on the existing fabric you use as I do not want to fear a rainstorm while wearing white pants.

Bone #2. Buttons on pants. I’ve never been a skinny gal so I appreciate any sort of optical illusions to help minimize my waistline in the chunk-o department. Why oh why do all pants create puffs where the buttons, zippers and belt loops are? Even a top with rouching can hardly disguise it. Please make flat-front pants. And while we’re on this topic, you can just discontinue pleated pants for everybody. You ain’t doing anybody any favours.

(Disclaimer: Refrain from any baby bump comments as I am not with child. I am with Strawberry Shortcake and ice cream.)

Please heed my suggestions because I am very fashion-forward. See proof in the photo below, when I was wearing a romper when I was 13. I called the trend 15 years ago. Booyah!

Sincerely,

GIVE ME WHITE CAPRIS WITHOUT BELT LOOPS.

Happy Birthday to the best Dad in the world!

The mini golf champ

The lizard licker

The goofball

I love you!

Being a mom to fur babies isn’t always peaches and cream, bacon and catnip. Pets are selfish. And gross. This week Wellesley killed a baby rabbit so I had to scoop up Stewie Jr. with a shovel and throw him over the fence. Rip lil dude.

Last night Bob and I took the dogs for a walk so I slipped into my Crocs at the front door. I know, I know.

Wellesley isn’t a normal dog when it comes to relieving himself. He doesn’t sniff out the fire hydrants or shrubs to pee on. That is such a waste of time. Instead, he prefers to pee while walking on the sidewalk. Like, “No big deal. Just peeing AND walking because I’m THAT coordinated. Plus, I don’t want my pee to burn your grass out, so I’ll do you the favor of peeing on your sidewalk instead”.

Tonight his…ummm.. multitasking talent landed directly onto my crocs with the holes in them. Warm, wet, dog pee. In my shoes. Directly on my foot.

I was grossed out but then Bob and I laughed hysterically all the way back home. I tried to give Bob a few roundhouse kicks from behind with my pee-stink foot. Later, while still walking back home, I spotted my favorite flowers.

Me: See those flowers? They smell so good and they are called Peonies!

Bob: Are you sure they aren’t called pee-on-me’s?

Ba-da-bum. He’ll be here all night folks.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my new mommy friends out there! And to the bestest mum I could ask for. Enjoy this video of mom having a fit of laughter because she got the definition of “milano” wrong and realized her mistake. She laughed until she cried. I love you mum!

mums giggle fit from Bob Spryn on Vimeo.

Coda gets very hot in the summer so Bob decided we should completely shave him down for a few months.

Step 1. Coax Coda into the garage. He’ll know something is up and he’ll reluctantly obey, with his stubby tail between his legs.

Step 2. With 2 people, corral him between your legs and start cutting away the massive chunks of fur with scissors. If you’re Bob, you’ll keep inhaling the fur and spitting it out.

Step 3. Give him a bath in the front yard. He’ll hate this and start plotting how to murder you in your sleep.

Step 4. Admire your handy work so far.

Step 5. Try to use electric clippers and botch chunks of fur.

Step 6. Go to PetCo and have them finish the hair cut. Learn that Coda has very thick fur and has dulled 3 blades on the groomer’s clippers.

I can’t believe how small he looks without tons of fur!

The hair cut really brings out his face. As in, he has a really fat face compared to the rest of his body. He also looks several years younger. Why can’t I get a haircut that cuts my age in half?